Being In Love is vastly different to Being Love. Not understanding the difference can create a lot of misunderstanding and stress in our lives. Being In Love is a magical high energy state that lasts between 3-18 months. Once the fires of passion begin to transmute to a deeper more nurturing expression of love we begin to think something is wrong, The passion subsides and the chemical cocktail of feel good emotions subsides leaving us like strung out junkies wondering what happened.

All relationships start in the lust stage whether it is obvious or not. The simmering rush of lust makes us think about, want to be with, or overrides our normal logical minds.

Love and lust are not the same.

While lust is nearly always involved in the early stages relationships, it is a short lived chemical cocktail that fires our desires for our special other, the person of our dreams.

Logic is always the first causality of Lust. The sexual adventures we undertake while on his magic mix are exceptional. Couples become lost in their passion and begin to drop off their friends, family and other commitments to have another hit of the alluring drug – lust.

As the lust stage begins to subside some think there love for their special other is changing and reducing. The shift from being In Love to Being Love slows the flow of intoxicating chemicals and we begin the withdraw.

Like coming off any addictive drug our pain levels begin to rise and we start to pull away from the source of that pain.

We want more of the pleasure and less of the pain.

At this point, when we do not understand mature love we may begin to seek pleasure with a new special other. This is usually why most people have affairs. The search for continuous pleasure, sex, personal gratification easily destroys the developing Being Love state.

As the sexual part of the relationship changes it is easy to begin to feel unloved and start to feed our addiction with another partner.

Being Love is a state of mutual respect, companionship, trust and appreciation. Te sexual stage may be important, the other gains will support the relationship longterm.

Those who are more focussed on Service to Self  will struggle with Being Love. These people are more self absorbed and may have a lot of hurt around Being Love

Those with a Service to Others, may also struggle, usually not as much as they  are more Being Love focussed by their nature.

An article recently came to the conclusion that  many addictions are issues of unresolved relationship issues.