An eye for an eye,
And the whole world would be blind
– Kahil Gibran –
Life is about balance, two opposing forces engaged in an energy duel, looking to find state of equilibrium. The Chinese concept of Yin and Yang describes this dance beautifully.
When we look at life as an energy exchange, the attraction of different of people to each other makes sense. Givers need takers and vice versa. Abusers need someone to abuse. Children abused by adults may grow into covert abusers, either of themselves or others. Carrying the energy of retribution, acts as a magnet, pulling people, and situations into our lives so the pain can be spread and shared. It is not to address and heal, it is bring an unhealthy balance.
Young girls or boys who have been abused seek retribution by trying to inflict pain on themselves or others. They either play out their sexual abuse by being promiscuous, denying their own sexual gratification and manipulating others as a way of getting back at their abuser.
When a loving person enters their lives, a deep unhealed wound within looks for a way to reduce the pain and get even by hurting that person because they cannot even the score with the abuser.
Sick? Yes, but understandable, many people who have been abused have become unwilling to be Loved. Their view of Love is soured by their mistreatment and broken trust.
The need for retribution can arise whenever anyone suffers at the hands of another.The hardest lesson here is to comprehend no one can truly hurt us. We are not victims, we are not at the mercy of the winds of circumstance.
Retribution is an act of Fear, a way to reduce our pain, our unworthiness and shame, to lighten the burden of our own powerlessness.
Fear controls most people’s lives, knowingly or unknowingly. It is the Master, the Emperor controlling our thoughts, feelings and actions. At its most basic, Fear is the lowest form of Love expressed inappropriately. It is the safe option, the “don’t rock the boat” approach to life. The problem is, if the boat is not rocked, we don’t move. Nothing living is static, that is the realm of the dead. Life is a constant dance of opposites, the good, the bad and the ugly. Too misunderstand this process is to live in a world of the half dead, neither actively alive or fully stagnating. We are either engaged in the act of living or dying, that is the dual nature of life.
Seeking retribution keeps us stuck in the very pain we wish to avoid, we end up focussed on what we do not desire and keep getting it. The abuse, physical, mental, emotional or spiritual may have ended long ago, but we continue to dance in its embrace. We say captive to the pain, unwilling to endure the healing pain of true retribution – True Love and acceptance of something better.
Only a willingness to change, to reach for the higher qualities of Love can we embrace the best within ourselves and others.
Forgiveness means it finally becomes
unimportant that you hit back
– Annie Lamott –
