Today i watched with interest a totally out of control angry young boy and and disconnected, irresponsible father interacting. I was sitting quietly beside a creek when two adults and a young boy made their way to where i was enjoying some peace and quiet. Both men were polite, courteous and we started up a discussion which turned to the subject of art. The little boy ran amok, shouting and throwing stones. He was totally discontented from his environment, himself, his feelings and was unable to follow even a simple instruction. To most he would have been labelled ADD or ADHD. Rocks flew in all directions, nothing was safe, the dog nearly wore one, he nearly hit me and many we aimed in the direction of the other male relaxing in the waterhole.
The father would say, with zero conviction Stop that Johnny (not his real name), followed directly by throw it over their. Their was no clarity, no real interest and the father was taking no responsibility for the action of this human thrashing machine.
The child had zero boundaries and his underlying anger was on display. He had no respect for the adults, the wildlife or the environment. He had no concept of how to act, he was just burning off this unfocussed energy.
His future life as an out of control destructive teenager was being laid in place by a father who had no idea how be a responsible adult himself and lacked the basic tenants of social, environmental or basic responsibility. Maybe he was on drugs, i do not know, he was however unable to set sensible boundaries so this little boy would have a chance to grow up learning the valuable lessons of respecting himself and others.
These were basically good people who lack the understanding or the courage to set boundaries and take responsibility. What hope for this little boy? He will no doubt end up on the wrong side of the eduction system, probably the law. Most likely drugs will enter the equation all because he needed his dad to be a man and set the boundaries. How can he ever learn self respect when the adult in his life had so little.
It was painful to watch as the path to his future was so obvious, expect to those who he should of been able to look up to. The boy ran the show and the adult was the child.
We live in a society where we validate victims, blame everything and ignore the obvious. In years to come that little boy will most likely be labelled, drugged and punished for not fitting in. The real issue is with the adult who for whatever reason is unable or unwilling to step up and show his son, with love and compassion how to be a real man.
Maybe the father was stressed to the eyeballs or has never been taught about being responsible, it is not a blaming anyone. it is recognising their is a problem and work for a solutions. Boundaries are important, for ourselves and in our relationships.
I met Wayne that New Years morning at the peaceful creek he described. We shared a connection and swapped details. I can verify that the young boy, my friends son, has aspergurs syndrome and is often very out of control. Poor boundary setting can very well be the reason for the boys erratic behavior, although he doesn’t respond to his Fathers instruction. This is a source of frustration for everyone around..the Father especially. The boy is generally happy when he is getting his way, throws tantrums when not. He displays obsessive/ compulsive behavior. .ie the rock throwing. It’s a tough one Wayne..as this child doesn’t respond like other children do to discipline and boundary setting. As a friend of the boys Father there’s not a huge amount I can do to help, except observe and suggest alternative activities for the boy.Was great to meet you Wayne and we all survived the destructive rock throwing!