A Lesson in Understanding.
“It is not for me to judge another man’s life. I must judge, I must choose, I must spurn, purely for myself. For myself, alone.”
― Herman Hesse —
Sidhartha
Recently, during a trip to Sydney I was confronted with some of my own prejudices and intolerances. Whilst waiting to meet a colleague I had a couple of hours free. Wandering around an inner city suburb I walked past a coffee shop. I was studying the decor and the owner walked out wearing a very average dress. I did not think much of it as it did not seem to suit him. I thought it rather plain. I kept walking, then turned back as it seemed to be the only place with a crowd.
I sat for a while contemplating his choice of attire, it was definitely way too plain and made him look he had just come from the kitchen. My sense of fashion was definitely showing my prejudice and intolerance of such a fashion mistake. A more colourful summer frock would have been more becoming and suited the situation. After all he was working and engaging the public.
The young man was a published poet and interesting to talk with. I pondered the idea of giving some fashion advice and decided to be discreet and avoid the subject. Who knows it may have been his favourite or maybe he had not done the washing this week.
School was out a two students came in, it became obvious one was his son. I sat back and watched the interaction, the pair had a real bond and affection. The boy showed great love to his dad. Later the daughter arrived and the same connection was clear . There was so much love, respect and admiration flowing both ways.
On a serious note, the sight of a man in a dress challenged me, old OPO’s (other people’s opinions) were coming into play. Sitting with them I discovered a really kind genuine family man who loved his kids, gave great service, along with promoting poetry in Sydney. The fact he wore a dress was of no consequence or importance. He had a big heart and was making a positive difference in his community.
Being able to recognise my buttons were pushed and sitting with it, took me past the shallow judgements and allowed me to explore the deeper human interactions that were occurring before me. It was pure joy to watch dad and son connect with enthusiasm about the boys new project. This wonderful human being in a daggy dress was teaching all with the eyes to see the true meaning of family.
As I walked away I had to smile at the amount of times I had held back because of a Fear of Criticism. Many times I have wanted to do something, go somewhere but my fears limited me. Too many what ifs, what will …. think.
So as I walked down the street I silently thanked the man in the daggy dress for teaching me a lesson in being truthful to myself. I definitely am not going to go out wearing a daggy dress like his, or any dress for that matter, but it is time to do an audit of the ways I hold myself back due to OPO’s.
When we have the eyes to see, the ears to hear and the heart to love, life will constantly surprise us and provide opportunities to be more loving.
“It’s a universal law– intolerance is the first sign of an inadequate education. An ill-educated person behaves with arrogant impatience, whereas truly profound education breeds humility.”
― Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn
