As i worked with a client recently part of me wished it was possible for everyone to understand and embrace the healing power of love. The amount of sexual abuse, physical, mental and emotional inflicted, primarily on woman never ceases to stagger me.

As i worked with the client i had to gently challenge her to move from a place of being unforgiving to one of gratitude for what men had done to her and her body. Her anger was intense and she openly expressed her willingness to hurt those who had hurt her. It is a usual response, one we see every day with people outside courts eager to inflict their own pains on those they blame. There is a dark side within us all that sinks to the lowest aspect of human nature and wallows in the halls of fear and pain.

To ask someone to forgive or even harder, be grateful to the perpetrator’s actions of our pain and suffering sometimes seems to be inconsiderate or even callous. Yet this is the only true way to heal our past, free ourselves from repeatedly abusing ourselves in a multitude of ways each and every day of our lives. When we are unable to move past our pain we are the ones that suffer. Those who abused us have moved on, more than likely forgotten their actions.

Victimhood only serves those who wish to enslave humanity, it serves no healthy healing use. We are not victims, we are in control of our choices. Choosing to be a victim is one such choice.

As my client struggled with the dilemma of staying stuck in her own continuing self abuse or freeing herself by moving to a space of gratitude, it was easy to feel her pain. It would have been so easy to back away and leave her stuck and not seemingly inflict more pain. Compassion always pushes us to continue on the road less travelled and gently, skilfully guiding the client to either begin the forgiveness process or jump up the ladder and move straight to gratitude.

Forgiveness or Gratitude, which to choose? With this client it was easy, there was no way she was going to forgive any of the men and family members who contributed to her hurt. gratitude was the only path open on this day. Through the pain and the tears the client danced a delicate path past her hurt, around her pain and was able to find something to be grateful for. From here she was able to begin to forgive and realise that she did want to be free of her old pain and move into a more loving space.

To be apart of this delicate dance to love is an incredible honour, to watch the chains of anguish finally fall away cannot be expressed, it is truly a beautiful experience to behold.

This particular client was able to see the funny side after she had moved into gratitude and was willing to work through her forgiveness. Experience has taught me to always aim for gratitude and let forgiveness surface naturally.

To work with clients and watch as they unravel the pain and suffering they have burdened themselves with is an honour and a privilege. Many reading this will smile and know the feeling well, after all isn’t why we choose to serve?