Abuse and abusive behaviour is a hot topic at present. Domestic violence is in the news in Australia. Ambulance officers are reporting more cases of physical abuse.

While physical abuse is dominating, their is a silence on the other forms of abuse. People in positions of authority , including educators and families seems to fly under the radar. Years ago i had a client,  a young boy whose father called him ‘It” 25 times in 5 minutes. That is abuse, but because there were no physical scars no one is interested.

Verbal abuse is inappropriate, so is taking offence when it is done to us. This may seem odd to most people, but something can only become abusive if we engage. If someone verbals us, yes it is abuse. However it becomes a problem when we take it onboard. Otherwise it is just there opinion. Remember we are talking more about emotional and mental abuse. With physical abuse we simply can not in most cases walk away.

I saw a case recently, an organiser placed a retailer in a position where sales would be reduced. The retailer became frustrated and swore. The organiser  took offence, most immature people do. They then refused the retailer the right to trade. I have heard it may end up in the courts because of a contractual issue. Is this an abuse of power issue here?

In this case no one wins. the retailer most likely could  have dealt with the issue better and the organiser could of not manipulated the situation by acting like a victim. Both were in the wrong. There is never a clear cut right and wrong.

This is a point so often missed. Dr. John DeMartini expresses it well when he refers to predator/prey interactions. In this case the retailer may have been the predator, but as the game unfolded the threatened prey became the predator. It never comes down to how it appears, there are factors at play that most of us never recognise. Some of the most dangerous people i have met are professional “victims“. The passive/aggressive behaviours of animals is at play. Whenever we are threatened  most of us behave like scared animals, some attack, so run away and attack later in more subtle ways.

It seems that physical abuse is not Ok, but let’s just turn a blind i to abuse of power and authority, emotional and mental abuse. We can even throw spiritual abuse into the equation.

While Just get over it is sound logical advice, it offers no solutions. Most abuse issues arise out of fear, the fear of lose. When we can educate ourselves and become mature enough to realise we do not have to engage we free ourselves from many dilemmas.

A new a person who always seems calm and “spiritual” That was until someone disagreed and then all hell broke loose. I have seen this person standing inches from their “preys” face screaming at them. It was full blown abuse. I listened afterwards as the person explained calmly they have never hit anyone.

There are many ways to play powerless games. An abusive person is powerless, no use inflaming the situation. Look for the solution and let go of taking it personally.

Abuse is overt and covert, both are harmful. In my book, Kissing the Black Dog  i write about  depression, anxiety another stressors. Abuse is one more factor that can throw someone over the edge.  Motivational Kinesiology is one of tools that can help free us from the claws of holding onto abusive situations and letting go of the need to be abusive.

Abuse serves no purpose, it hurts everyone, just remember abuse is more than physical.