To React or Respond?

In any situation the way we deal with it tends to govern the outcome. Overreact and things can quickly go from bad to worse. Respond, keep a cool head and sometimes seemingly impossible outcomes can be achieved.

I had a situation where someone became extremely upset with some information I offered them. I heard nothing from them directly, but a couple of weeks later I received some strong negative feedback. At first I was shocked and started to over react. I could not think straight, I began imagining the worst possible outcome. The story was getting darker by the second.

I realised I was over reacting, being a bit of a drama queen. Taking a few deep breaths, I worked to calm down. I began to reconsider the story. I reread the email several times. When I noticed a couple of key words and started to understand the motive behind it.  I could see what the person wanted, and it was really nothing to do with me. I had hit the raw truth of their situation and exposed their game or storyline. 

I then remembered the time I received a death threat from someone I did not know. Turns out his wife had been a client and she was no longer letting him bash her around. Moving from the reactive state to a more responsive one I was able to consider my options. I could see the possible negative outcome and realised it was not as bad at it first appeared. I also saw the best possible outcome, which seemed more realistic. It took a couple of days to completely turn my reactions around, until finally I could see the real gem in the whole situation. 

The bullying approach no longer intimidated me and I started to realise the whole thing happened because I had uncovered their hidden truth. I saw the anger and pain being projected towards me as not my issue. In hindsight the issue could have been handled more sensitively, in fact I should have followed my gut instincts and said No, when approached to speak to the person.

After a few days to see-sawing between Response/Reaction I finally had to smile, take on some to the feedback and apply it and let the rest go.

In the past I would, like many, wallowed in the discomfort and stayed stuck. Instead I embraced the pain, confronted it and worked through it. It did not kill me, but did teach me a valuable lesson. The real upshot is I feel more confident, humble and appreciative. Since that time I have had some amazing headlock from people I have been able to help. Life has a way of balancing the ledger.